World. hold on...

i dont know what exactly i want in my life now....

goodnyte.
...........................................

270809

Hope you like the surprise fiza!
Mastermind: Dee&Hafiz.
I basically follow their instructions.
Haha!

soo touched to see hafiz went in the karaoke room with a guitar,
singing, *im yours* by jason mraz! & dee whole the cake with the candle-light on!
hahaha!

i wished my bday surprise is soo sweet like that..... =)

Friday: Yoga & School tmrw. =)

* You're just too special.

Since 2002,
lots of changes.
You're once a friend,
You're once a bestfriend,
You're once a boyfriend,
& now You're my ex.

--Miss all the moments we had.

From Bedok to Marsiling.

-Long bus ride before you pass your 2b license.
- Rxk bike, the first time you fetched me at wdlands causewaypoint.
- Sp bike. First name under you, Second name under Mizi.
- Vespa bike. ( You surprised me, during my 19th bdae!)
- X1 bike. (for a short period.)
- Xr4. all time scrambler favourite!
- Missed teaching you to drive.

6 years full of sorrows and joy.
Memories shall remain forever.
21 december 2002, is a date that should not be forgotten,
and never will be.

http://hiakdish.blogspot.com
Goodnite.

BGR.

Questions people?

Break-Up seasons i guess.
Third party involved. deng!

Boys & Girls hard to understand each other.

School=Fun.
Basically, in life - what goes around comes around.

Define LIFE.

*its just like a subject that you studied.
being exampled: Math - you should know the B.O.D.M.A.S method.


Divide= know how put aside the problem.
Multiply=put all the problems together. & make it even more bigger problem.
Addition= yes, put all together, but u managed solve it.
Subtraction = taken from the addition, subtract the probs from the addition.
=).

and thanks for making me smile tonight my darling psb-ians.
xoxo.

Kotak - Masih Cinta

YadaYadaYada!

im addicted to this song

Cascada-evacuate the dancefloor.
wooohooooo!!!!!!!!


Work = Fun.
Yoga = Fun.

Tuesday, slacking and work.
Wednesday, back to school! =).
Thursay, meet ain & yoga.
Friday, school.

weeee!!!!!

smile.smile.smile. =)
Thanks xoxo.

Ditch.

well, hello again.
first thing first,
life's just a bitch.

i feel shitty.
i ditch 3 dates.
im not interested for dates.
so far as im concern,
im not as bad as what he thinks though,
whatever i did in the past,

* i dont even celebrate that guy bdae, even he have a surprise for me for my bdae with the gang.
* i dont even reach home till late night wif him like you did with her.
* i dont even take pics as much with him alone as much as you did with her.
* yes, he drives, but i dont take for granted, like who cares,(people might say, *seri!!!he drives BMW,OMG!*)LIKE WAT!!!.
* im sooo mean towards him, and he crys, i dont even care!hahaa!.

ONE WORD: fcuk off.
KARMA: expected the most unexpected HURT!hahaa! TRUE ENUFF.

and Yan, i know you understand me,
i know you want the best for me,
but you cant force me to totally forget about fir,
i know im totally hurt by what he did to me.
but let time, pls let time heal the pain.

and you, what ever i told you,
only sorrry is the only word you can express to me,

whats the thing in my mind now,
ICE CRREAMMMM!!!!!!
YEYYY!!! it can boost my confident and my hyper-activeness back!!!
yes!!!!!!it is!!!!

ok, getting ready to go YOGA later!
my, shudddap people!
i need to lose weight!

tctc,this shitty feeling gonna end soon, real soon.

Kiddies,Regular,Large.

study wif my cousin fadilah, deebah & liya.
at wdlands library for 2 hours then to work.
and sooo work is fun,
learnt to take orders, mix ice cream! =).
reached home near to 1230am.

Thanks J for your encouragement. Love you.
Thanks N for answering my calls!hehe teman me to jalan balek from holland v to buona vista mrt. Love you.
Thanks F for your company to sms-ed me during my work and teman me to talk on the fone while im on my way home. Love you.

Mwahs. :)

and suddenly,
i just feel soo bad & just wana change myself for the better.
ok, im someone whom loves to revenge, and too weak!
ive always pray that i dont wana have any fights anymore!
no!i dont like people to hate me! i dont even have the intentions to hate them too!
ohhh god, pls change me!

Ohhh it was just a night.

work was fun. yes, scoop it-mix it-taste it.yeyy!!!
thanks gfs for being there for my weakest-shitty moment.
thanks for the night xoxo. i feel love again.

slamat berpuasa people.

im obsessed with this song:
baby are you down down down down down <3.

at the end of the night, you just feel that only yourself is alive.
this feeling always haunts me everynight.

Whats left:
Work.
School.

Future Wise:
BLANK. =(

And ohh soo great...

I am amazed at how one can switch feelings so easily.
One moment, one will be so infatuated, deeply in love and the next,
one will just be not bothered.
I've been hanging on to what I thought was reality.
I blame myself, for allowing someone like you,
attempt to penetrate through my heart.
It's my fault.
I adhered to what I inherently know are lies and fantasies.
Im stonger each day,
forget about crying every night,
turns out to be hatreds each night.

ohh, me and him its like
scoring a soccer match.
1 vs 1.Yes.
i bet this revenge ends well yeah.
Hehe. ohh the msg is the same as what i sent to him.
his full name plus his dad name somemore.
soo great of having the feeling of 2 people loving you right right?
hahaha!i bet yes.
and seeing the pictures in fb, makes me more stronger,
next pls?
soo yeaps, if you really love him,goooo and strike it!!!!
i would say GOALLLLL!!!!!!!!!!
its just like soccer,
if you win, u'll jump up and down like nobody business,
if you lose, u'll cry terookkkkk ,
haha, just like me*the lose part* HAHA.
LAUGH OUT LOUD PEOPLE, keep on laughing. coz i dont gain a single bit.

i just wana thank you for making me more stronger now.
i dont regret by doing this to you, by shut izzat out from my life*.
and for you, you're too nice too her, unlike me, soo mean to him lastime.

sooo people what is love? : its just a feeling that can affect your own CHARACTER WISE,YOUR NORMAL SELF.
it doesnt last long, it only last when both parties are ready for any shots happening. *sucks, i noe.*

yes, i still have the *love* towards you, but whatever you did to me,
its a thing that i should learnt from you and her.
Sometimes, things ended as soon as it started.
For some reasons, we have to expect the unexpected.

right now, i totally need a break.
new date? not in my mind now...
holiday? yes pls...

Whats wrong with the blogg

Maybe

maybe you dont need me,
maybe you dont need my msg,

maybe you dont need my call,

maybe you dont need my love,
maybe you dont need my care,
maybe you dont need my concern,
maybe you dont need anything,
maybe is just you, you and yourself.

that you told me not to pushh you anymore.

maybe when you wake up one day,
you realize the maybe is just the one that you need the most.
but when you need it, maybe its just too late....

Second entry. =)
cant sleep!

It didnt mend my broken heart.

Feelings changed. One moment you're depressed, another moment you're fresh!
Now, shall not elaborate more,
Date with aishah and irah was awesome, i love you girls.

more gfs date soon.

ohh yeah,
that night, i took cab with dee,
the taxi driver ask us, what is love?
i answered deep down:
* i dont even want to know the meaning of it,
the reality has hit me enuff, day by day,
i hope the answer will come & by then,
PAIN is no more in my dictionary.

So long and Good Night.

ExamsExams.

Soo the paper is not that hard.
As for those who revise and study, good for you guys.
and as for me.... i did OK for section A and NOT-THAT-OKAY for section B,
so yeapps, guess i need to retake the paper.
"ohh, cmon sery, you got to catch up babe!!!!!you're a bright girl, not dumb-ass!
Next, Monday- Financial Management Paper. peeeepooo!hahahaha! =)
**i guess, getting on with this life now, its a hard-thing, but trying, still trying.........

Most of my darling gfs says. "babe, dont have to move on now, what we mean is, just go with the flow on what you're doing, go find yourself a job and get ready to be busy most time.... let time heal everything...

Soo, i shouldnt have the feeling of hesitation here and there, arghhh *=_=*
Turrnninngggg-INNNNNNNN sooon,

i cant deny,
you've never fail to be always on my mind.
only god knows. =)

LA-LA-LA-LA.

Orites, its THURSDAY!!!!!!
nothing's special going on.
people should be happy when they are single?
why im not,why im still laying down in my room, crying??
haha, well thats just sery!haha!the weak sery!
Friday, is my INTERNAL AUDIT PAPER,
Monday, is my FINANCIAL MGMT PAPER,
haha, i used to be a bright student though!
now not anymore, my classmates are way-to-be my senior!
i miss my ITE subjects which ive always enjoyed!!!!
and im the hyper-one in the class!hahaa!!!

Life, that's is!

p.s: my mom hugged me saying, *don't cry my dear, you'll be fine one day*...

The meaningful lyrics.

I bust the windows out your car
And no it didn't mend my broken heart
I'll probably always have these ugly scars
But right now I don't care about that part

I bust the windows out your car
After I saw you laying next to her
I didn't wanna but I took my turn
I'm glad I did it 'cause you had to learn

I must admit it helped a little bit
To think of how you'd feel, when you saw it
I didn't know that I had that much strength
But I'm glad you see what happens when

You see you can't just play with people's feelings
Tell them you love them and don't mean it
You'll probably say that it was juvenille
But I think that I deserve to smile
ha ha ha ha ha

I bust the windows out your car
You know I did it 'cause I left my mark
Wrote my initials with the crowbar
And then I drove off into the dark

I bust the windows out ya car
You should feel lucky that that's all I did
After five whole years of this
Gave you all of me & you played with it

Oooh ahh...I must admit it helped a little bit
To think of how you'd feel when you saw it
I didn't know that I had that much strength
But I'm glad you see what happens when...

You see you can't just play with people's feelings
Tell them you love them and don't mean it
You'll probably say that it was juvenille
But I think that I deserve to smile

But it dont comfort....
But it don't comfort to my broken heart
You could never feel how I felt that day
Until it happens baby you don't know pain

Oooh Yeah I did it (Yeah I did it)
You should know it (You should know it)
I ain't sorry (I ain't sorry)
You deserved it (You deserved it)

After what you did to me (After what you did)
You deserved it (You deserved it)
I ain't sorry (I ain't sorry)
no no oh... (I ain't sorry)

You broke my heart
So I broke ya car
You caused me pain (You caused me pain)
So I did the same

Even though all that you did to me was much worse
I had to do something to make you hurt yeah
Oh but why am I still cryin'?
Why am I the one whose still cryin'?

Oh oh you really hurt me baby
You really you really hurt me baby
Hey, hey, hey
Hey, hey, hey
hey hey hey hey
now watch me yua
now watch me ha ha ha

Jasmine Sullivan - Bust your window.

ok, 2nd post for the day,
IM BORED. i tried to study. TAK BOLEHHH!!!!
EEEE, BENCI!BENCI!BENCI!
stayed home for today,
no mood to go out.
no mood to do anything.
just chat with dee,
she asked me to do something to my blog!
haiyooo, im soo malas lah, i cant be bothered,
unless i ask my friends for help. (nyehahahahaa) LAZY BUM BETOL!
ok lahh, goonaaa sum up my revision again,
so yeappss, im trying my best to the fullest to improve my english.

t.a.k.e.c.a.r.e.

So...

and soo yesterday i met up with dee.
she fetched me!
Our actual plan:
She paints her room,
I study! ahahaha!
in the end, *biaselah*
cock up nye selalu.
coz she pay back her puase!
we wait till the buke time and we study at night!
soo, we slack and watched
AM I SMARTER THAN 5TH GRADE.
RACHEL RAY.
SINGAPORE IDOL.
(some of the contestant was like funny ah! *esp the careless whisper, & ghostbusters*haha!)

hehe! its like im having the most slackers time of all!
EXAMS is this coming friday, but i couldnt concentrate at all.

Anugerah show starts at 8.30pm,
& we both paused our study moment, and watched the show at 9pm.
i cant believe i actually enjoyed watching the show, wif dee's fam.
& somebody's malay is soooo *powerful*hahaha!!!i laugh my ass out lah!
dee, dee, tau lah english kau bagos, tapi kenape malay kau kene bacin mcm gitu.

at 10.45pm, get ready pack my bags and off to home,
and things get back to square one.
feeling lonely. :) i guess my life was destined to be like this.

when i reached home, mom and dad, was asking, how was my day,
i said simply, *OK* smile, and went in my room, and shut the door.
after the night bathed, i forced myself to sleep.
i just dont wana think about anything else. it makes me cry over and over again.

and yes, i had a nightmare again.
one month has passed, counting down to when i am really back to myself,
all my friends missed my sillyness,bimboness,loudness, and all the beloes perangai that ive always conquered the most! =)

ABIGSMILE. but im not ready yet, sorry guys, gimme sometimes to make myself happy back like last time.
coz, the pain is still left inside. =) GDNOON anyways.

Matters Rest.

Received a call while i was sleeping,
Time Checked: 2.50am.

I've deleted all the bad post at FB, as well as here.
Seriously, im being the bitch,not her.
Yeap, i agree, i started it all first.

First:

I wanna apologise to you as much as i could, to make you feel better.
I dont know if you still pissed with me. Im sorrry, really am sorry.
Yes, im older than you by 2 years, and im being fcuking childish right?
I know, my english doesnt even up to your standard.
I do stalk you babe, i cant deny, i love your english, the way you type and speaks,
Its really amazing. two thumbs up! (not being sarcastic here.)

The Fact:

I dont know why i feel so much hatred towards you,
yes, MORE TO JEALOUSY i guess? ohh goshh,
i sound stupid, you should slap or punch me now.

Im sorry for telling the whole world you're bitch.
and i dont hate people for no reason babe.
The reason why i'm like this, coz i still love him,
and i cant accept the fact that you like him a lot though.

I think by now, its really gets in your head,
that you really need to settle things between us.

Yeap, once for all,
I wana apologised for my childish act,
I cant do anything else, if youre still pissed.
i really hope you accept my millions,billions,zillions,trillions apology.

please take care babe. wishh you the very best in your life.
my fault aite. whatever you say in your post, I ACCEPT IT, really. =)

now, i just need that hatred feelings towards you, to go away,
please give me sometimes. i just feel soooo terrible now.

It haunts every night.

i wonder who knows this blog.
i dont even tell any-body.
and whatever i said, its totally true.
i dont know why, if im feeling shittyy nowadays.
and how the hell fir know my blog?
& who told him? i dont remember i tell anybody,
only this blog let me tell everything that i should.
i dont know who should i trust now!
i feel sooo hopeless.
he called me just now, saying hes gonna mit up wif shikin bal and mizi...
hope you take care there and i cant deny that i missed them.

i just cant understand myself.
ok, firstly about shikin:
i know i'm being bad wif her at times.
i agree to the saying that i hate something about her which is, when she ask the rest to club or drink lah...
who likes kan? i know im being conservative!im naive too!
damn! coz i dont drink and club. i know, sery kolot.
but i do likes her,
shes a nice girl though, we've known each other since 2003.
we were once close.
i cant deny that i dont like her at all. of course, i do.
cmon, i noe her first then the rest, like deebah, fiza, nana, and the others.
ok, i dont know why, this feeling is automatic,
whenever she ask fir out to club and drink, i dont like the idea.
im telling here all the truth.
but deep down, i still likes her, infact i dont hate people.
till i break wif fir, that ika delilah is the first person, that i hate, i dont know why,
seeing her face, make me go gagaagagaga!!!!and feel like punching her,
maybe because im scared she might steal him away? *stupid*sery is stupid*
im exaggerating right! damn again!stop it sery!=(

SHIKIN, if you happen to read this, i wana apologise for everything that i did to you,
maybe my words that i post it previously on 14th June hurt you. im sorry.
but what i said is yes, out of anger. im sorry for being two-faced to you.
please...forgive me... i know i called you bitch and all.
maybe i myself should be called two-headed snake!
i guess you hate me now. for my idiot attitude, or clearly just say childish,
you've always say, im a big girl now, i should know what im doing.
a big sigh here. im not being myself lately.i dont know how more to explain to you,
we should meet up and talk things out! ill msg you.

i dont blame you if you hate me now, im sorry again.
just for the fact:

NORMAL CONSERVATIVE GIRL LIKE ME,
should ask her to wake up! :)

deep down, i cant lie to myself and the whole world,
i do appreciate and still love you as my friend. :)
im not saying for making you feel better, but i mean it shikin.
and to whoever read this, this is real me.

Even if im a two-face person or whatsoever,
deep down, i dont hate that person fully.
maybe due to their perangai, or theres must be a reason.
giler kan kalau nak benci orang tu sembarangan.=)

imissyouall.
in random order:
fir.
mizi.
hadi.
nadia.
shikin.
iqbal.
dee.
fiza.
hafiz.
wati.
nana.
moksin.
**mostly raye people.
**all my gfs.

i wish you guys all the best.
thanks for the great memoirs.

=)